Anniversary or Purgatory

Today is our 20^th wedding anniversary.  We are celebrating by spending a much needed weekend away from the kids. But not before starting the day the same as too many others in our 20 year history, with a fight.  With catty remarks and personal attacks about our personality traits, parenting styles and a competition over who does more around the house and who has it tougher than the other.

I see a lot of my FB friends post heartwarming tributes to their other halves on their wedding anniversaries and wonder if I’m the only one who wants to be doing the same but struggles to say anything nice.  Happy Anniversary Arsehole doesn’t have the same ring to it.  They write things like, can’t wait for the next 20 years, you are my rock, thank you for having my back. I've tried to express the same sentiments but can't bring myself to hit the Post button on what is essentially a lie. I worry about how people will react if I write "I'd be up for parole by now".  Then I worry what people will think if I write nothing at all.  What message does that send?  Is it worse than the truth?

We have our moments of clarity, where we agree that we love each other, we both work as hard as the other just in different ways and want to move forward as a united partnership.  The one thing we always agree on is that we are both exhausted.  By the constant battle for supremacy, by the pressures of work, parenting and life in general.  But where do you draw the line in the sand, who surrenders first, who takes the higher ground, who turns the other cheek???

I'm really looking forward to this weekend away.  Not so much for the quality time with hubby but for the break from the kids, from the cooking, from the brutal schedule I subject myself to to ensure that I'm organised and ready for the coming week.

Who knows, I might even discover the man I fell in love with so many years ago.